Life Lessons From A Tiger - 2022

 

Inspired by a woman who is no longer breathing, this tradition of looking back and acknowledging the lessons of a year gone by continues. And here I am, marking another trip around the sun. I no longer keep track of the numbers. Seriously, I could be 33, 35, 40, what really matters is that I’m not done yet. Instead, I’m stuffing my face with a chocolate croissant and a subtle macchiato in front of Waikiki Beach on the island of Oahu after the most epic shark dive of my life.

This year, more than ever, I’m aware of my impact. I’m aware that I can change the world. In my teens, when asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I would reply that I wanted to affect positive change for the better - in the largest way possible. I wanted to be a teacher - I just didn’t know what I’d be teaching. This year, I’m teaching others to become inspired. To believe in themselves. Teaching them about ways they can change the future of the world’s oceans.  And to me, that’s the ultimate. Although next year my impact may even be bigger, brighter, more valuable.  

This year, more than ever, I know who I am. I am comfortable in my own skin, even outside of my comfort zone, in new, daunting steps towards growth. Would you like an example? Yesterday, I was on a boat circled by five tiger sharks and when the captain asked, “Who wants to get in the water first?” my hand shot up. Slipping into the water without a splash, there was only deep blue and a trillion jellyfish. And then a white being rose up from the depths, she swam with purpose, rising to the top, to take her place as the apex, a female survivor, a tiger. She swam up within a few feet of my fins, heading for me, her eyes reading, calculating, seeing into my soul. She could feel my heart, and I tell you honestly and openly it was confident, ready, calculating my next move regarding her next move like a chess player with a 13-foot opponent.

Would I have been in this same heart space as a shark this size approached me twenty years ago? Ten? Probably not. To be safe around a shark, you have to hold eye contact to show them you are an equal. Control your mind and heart and keep that center of calm peace and love alive and strong. Own your space, hold it, and they give it to you. There’s a level of confidence and comfortability and trust that allows one to do this. The shark has a deep consciousness and knows you through and through on a cellular, electrical level. You can’t lie to a tiger - your heart will always tell the truth.

This year, I take my place as a leader. A teacher. A guide. I take my experience and life lessons and share them with others who may need to hear what I needed to when I was reaching for this sense of being.

This year, I confronted my demons. I now know what trauma I blacked out as a child to protect my fragile four-year old heart. I’ve looked deep into it, seen every aspect, and earned the right to move beyond it. Funny how your darkness will teach you so much about why you do what you do. And once you know, you have the keys to choosing different habits, different knee-jerk response to triggers.

I was in the water with the tiger because I wanted to meet her. I wanted to know the unknown. I wanted to see for myself who she was instead of going with what everyone else (and the media) said. In many ways, I have done the same with myself this year. To meet my best self, see what I am capable of and own that, beyond what others say about me.

So, what do I want you to know? What might I have learned this year of being fully alive that could help you on your journey?

In 3 days, millions of people will read in Forbes magazine what I found most important for changing the world for the oceans. In order for my message to be heard, I had to know what my message was. What did I want them to know? What would have the greatest affect for positive change?

In order to know my message, I had to know who I was. I had to see the place I could make a difference and apply myself. I found this by identifying my passion and flowing with it. The excitement I held for that passion was the key ingredient in fueling manifestation of what I wanted – to bring about positive change.

Find what lights you up and flow with it. Don’t let anyone take your excitement from you. It doesn’t have to make sense to them to be valid. Validate for yourself. It is your opinion that matters most.

If we hold back to maintain an image that we hope others will hold of us, we miss out on truly living in moments that will never return.

Find something you do well and don’t be afraid to own that power. We each have gifts, don’t be shy about being brilliant at something. If you don’t feel you’re brilliant at anything, don’t worry. Your passion is out there, just keep trying new things looking for what excites you. That’s an opening to your path.

Experience and practice make us capable. But another piece of being capable lies within trusting yourself. Believe you’ve got this.

When you find that thing that makes your heart smile, go BIG with it. Become a specialist in that area. Share that joy with others and it will always come back to you. We cannot use our candle to light a candle without gaining more light in our room.

Ask for what you want. But first, get really clear about what that is, and why you want it. Don’t get down when someone is not able to give it to you – that’s more of a reflection on them than it is on you. A ‘no’ doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of having what you want, it means you have to keep asking.

That voice in your head sets the tone for what will come into your life. The way we think is the vibe of our inner and ultimately our outer world. Lately, my inner voice is thrilled, excited, engaged, inspired and my life is a direct reflection of that. I’ve done the work to stop the self-judgment, the self-doubt, to bring kindness in and give it more attention than criticism. I look for what makes me smile, I engage in what makes me happy.

Deep within your mind, there’s past programming, negative conditioning, and little comments someone once said that hurt you which you have held on to. Do the work and let all that go. You don’t need it. Future you doesn’t need to remember that junk. When this comes up, replace it with a new line of thinking.  The people who said those things can just fook right off. 

Enjoy now. Don’t postpone your joy. Take the chance. Jump for that train heading where you want to be. It’s later than you think.

Here she comes, rising from the depths. She knows who she is down to the deepest electrical impulse of her heart, consciously aware of all around her. She knows her place in the world and her impact and owns them outright. She is capable, powerful, her best self. She is the tiger. She is a version of you. Are you ready to meet her?   

Images by: Paulphin Photography, taken on our
Tiger shark dive, June 25th, 2022

Things I Learned This Year of Being Fully Alive

 

Every year around my birthday, I reflect on what I have learned during this year of being alive. And each year there seems to be more, as life is largely about learning and sharing for me. This year was huge, so it has taken some extra time for retrospection.

You see, this year, I built my own business from the ground up. That is no small feat. The research alone is a full-time job. I wrote a business plan, I designed a website. I signed contracts, I became a resaler for some products, and also designed my own. I wrote curriculum, standards, and designed class outlines for new PADI classes. I met in a boardroom for negotiations with a hotel. I created signage, and with an amazing friend’s help, created fliers and brochures. I created a branding package. But here are the things that stand out about building a new business, and the lessons that stuck with me this year: 

This year I learned that no matter how perfect that thing you want seems, if it doesn’t work out, there’s a reason: there is a better possibility. It’s hard to see in the moment, when your current dream falls apart in front of you leaving you shocked and numb. I thought I had the perfect fit, and then they told me no. SO, I went back to the drawing table and asked myself, do you still want this? Could it be better received elsewhere, and will you give it the chance? The answer was yes, so I contacted those who told me no and asked why. I asked for feedback that would help me grow and learn and be more successful the next time around. I took their feedback to heart and applied it right away. And the next fit I tried for was SO MUCH better than what the first fit had to offer. Better than I could have dreamed up! And I come away from all this knowing that I am much happier where I am at than I ever could have been with that original dream. Remember with every disappointing wrong fit, there is a more perfect one waiting. Don’t get so caught up in what didn’t work that you don’t see other possibilities. 

I learned that it is extremely hard for me to make cold calls. I’ve always known that about myself, I’m a shy critter by nature. Seeking out a stranger in a position higher than my own to ask for something I want from them…that’s truly scary to me. As in cold sweats, fist clenching, stuttering words, literally shaking in my shoes scary. But it can be done. Three deep breaths, and posture that says I-know-where I-am-going and I’ve-got-this helps. When making cold calls, I have learned it is best to come from a place of love. Treat the person you are meeting for the first time as though they are a friend. Truly listen to them so you can talk with them, not at them. Bring them coffee, and if at all possible, hug a bunch of people before you go in, lighten up that nervous heart!

I’ve learned that there are always people out there who have got your back. Even if you haven’t seen them in over a year, friends are always rooting for you. I learned that there are so many people on this island who are in my corner, there is no way I should feel alone, ever. (As a side note for those of you who are reading this, know that at any time you need encouragement or a hug, I am here for you, even if it’s been a long time, please call me.)

I have been reminded that it comes back to you. Glow at others, and they will glow at you when your light is dim. The goodness we put out there is never wasted. For loved ones, for strangers, for those in positions above and below us, showing kindness is always of value.

Kindness first. If you can make this a priority, it will change all of your interactions. You are fully in charge of your reactions. Be mindful. Let kindness come up first. Not frustration. Not anger. I'm not perfect, no one is, but I try. I was recently upgraded to the front of the plane because kindness is a priority for me.

Be mindful with your feedback. Often, we want to tell others what is not working. We make their short comings about us, we take it personally and then our words to them are anything but kind. Remember when you are putting statements out online that they don’t go away. Words written in reaction-mode in reviews or comments on social media tend to be a lot about me me me, and less mindful of how it makes that person feel. I’ve seen a lot of scathing remarks made by people who don’t fully understand a situation and they sadden those they are aimed at, and change that person’s behavior, not for the better. If you try looking for what is working and state this first, acknowledge what the person is doing right, point out the best qualities first, then the person has a chance to take your feedback as well rounded and view what they are doing/producing as a work in progress, not a failure.

I’ve learned that even if what you are putting out there is beautiful and pure, people will still hate it, and they will hate you and there’s nothing you can do about it. So you'd better let that go. The more involved I get with social media for the business, the more reactions and comments I receive. There will always be people who don’t get it, who don’t get you. That’s absolutely okay. Keep doing what you are doing, keep shining your light, keep swimming in your strange way if it works for you. And focus on the people who really get you, who understand what you are trying to do, collect these people, keep them close.  You can always tell the strong women, they are helping lift others up, not tearing others down to make themselves look better.

I’ve been reminded to choose my tone. With every singe sentence. With every reply. With every reaction. The same words said in a loving tone are soft, and in a frustrated tone are knives. Being mindful of your tone keeps your words more on track with your intentions. It prevents unnecessary arguments, and helps you to be better understood. This is especially important around children. And loved ones.  

I’ve been reminded that others will care more about being right then they care about being close. Guys, repeatedly correcting others, or contradicting their statements doesn’t make you closer to them. You may be really intimate with Google, but you won’t have close relationships with your friends and family. 

I’ve also had the harsh reminder that how others take care of themselves or don’t, is not something I can control.  Naturally, when you love someone, you want the best for them. You want them to be healthy. That’s nice. But those things are not up to you. You cannot make them healthy. Unless that someone is your toddler, you are not in control of their health. You can’t make them see a doctor. You can’t make them live deeper, more fully, more effortlessly, move easier, eat better, look better, sleep better, none of this. The big news is that all of that is up to them. And some people would rather suffer, would rather put up roadblocks, would rather stay in the uncomfortable place they are in. That’s okay, it really is their choice. What can you do? You can love them. You can accept them. That’s all. It’s hard to step back and watch, but let their health be theirs. Let your love for them be yours.

Stubbornness distances you from others. I used to think stubbornness was a cute trait. I now think open mindedness is much more sexy. And, coincidentally, 99 times out of a hundred, open mindedness will bring you more happiness and closeness than being stubborn. I know, shocker.

I’ve learned that showing up is huge. If you want something, show up, work towards it. We’d all like for the things we want to come to us, but often, you need to meet them halfway. For example, some mornings the hotel calls to tell me they don’t have any bookings for me. I could take the day off, but I’d rather teach classes, so I go in. I set up. I talk to people. And usually, those are the days where I have the most students in my classes. Because I showed up. 

I’ve learned that being a mermaid is a lot like being the tooth fairy. Kids are drawn to you. You are magical and glittery and much less intimidating than Santa Claus. Yup, my mermaid tail is a kid magnet, and I love that. I’m a physical manifestation of their dreams, I am their dreams come true. So I try to hold the magic for them, help them believe. Logic will take you from A to B, but imagination will take you everywhere.

I have been reminded that there are truly good, generous people everywhere. When you reach out, when you open up and share, when you shine your light, others will recognize it and share back. Be who you are and share the magic of that with others. You never know who you will inspire.

Even when you don’t know how, keep moving towards what you want. Worry less about the ‘hows’, for they can drain your dream of its momentum. Instead, focus on the next step. You don’t need to know how it will work, just believe deeply that it will, that is enough. Just keep swimming.

Be clear about what you want. Put it out there. Write it down, speak it out loud. Otherwise, you are just waiting for whatever shows up. Tim and I set intentions all the time. Before our last journey, we put it out there that we wanted to see wildlife, have amazing interactions with them. We saw a flock of wild turkeys, a herd of elk, made eye contact with a coyote, had a bear walk thru the backyard, and fed a whitetail deer who approached us. Bat rays swam up to our toes in the bay. We spotted grey whales and harbor seals in the Pacific. We woke up to mule deer in our yard, paused for snakes to cross our path, and played peek a boo with a peregrine falcon, great white egret and a blue heron in the city. A hummingbird perched next to us for twenty minutes to watch the mountains light up with the sunrise in the forest. We laughed as spotted fawns played tag jumping the creek next to our trail, and then slept in the shade of our window awning. What was it we had asked for again? Oh yes, wildlife. You get my point.

As a scuba teacher, I learned this year that not everyone who enrolls in an Open Water certification class is meant to dive, or will become a diver. Just taking the test and going thru the paperwork doesn’t tell you if you’ll like the sensation of breathing underwater. And like all of my students before them, I found a way to support these people, to accept it and help them feel good about their accomplishments.  Even if they didn’t set out to do what they originally planned, they still tried new things, faced fears and learned valuable things about themselves.

I have learned that it is possible for you to train your eyes to see better underwater without a mask. And that over time, this may improve, if you can stay relaxed, and keep at it.

I knew that manta rays had the ability to feel your heartbeat, your resonance, your electro magnetic energy. This year, I learned just how in-tune and sensitive they are. I’ve learned that when I take out guests who are in a positive place, and are just sweet hearts overall, the mantas stay around longer than when I take out guys who are having a bad day, or are distracted or tend to push their way vs. feel their way thru life. I know that sounds strange, but the empaths reading this will understand. I’ve seen a manta respond immediately to a small change in heart.   

Through the hurricane, when there was a chance of being evacuated and we thought about packing a bag, I learned that I can always make more money to buy more things and go on more journeys, but I cannot buy more time with people I love once they are gone. This year, I learned that the people I love are the things I would pack to take with me. 

So there you have it, friends, a short overview of what I have learned this year of being alive. Thanks for reading. I hope some of you find something that resonates here for you. If I could leave you with anything new to try or to consider, it would be Kindness First. Out of all the possible reactions and possible approaches to others, try choosing kindness. Let it begin with you.

Best wishes for the year ahead, S

Goodbye to Snuba

To some extent everyone has felt this feeling once during their lifetime. It’s that echo in the empty rooms of the house you lived in for years, after you’ve packed all the boxes and you look back at a space that seems different now that you are out of it. Your hand rests on the door knob, you are about to move forward, you won’t come back to this place.  But for a moment you honor all that happened here over the years- the memories, the person you were when you first came in, the way both you and the space graduated, morphed over time. It’s hard to measure, hard to explain to the man walking his dog by as you take that last box to the car and drive away from a space where so much happened, there’s no way to begin to tell the story.

But I’m going to try anyway, because it’s a story worth telling. In my case, it’s not a house, it’s a particular hotel and a profession – Snuba at the Westin KOR. I know the dive site like the back of my hand, the corals, the places the fish hide their babies in a nursery, the cleaning stations where the rainbow wrasse wait to assist others, the pockets of sand, the octopus houses, the big yellow corral dome that the sea turtles have tucked under for a hundred and fifty years.  My time was shorter than theirs here, of course. This was my space for three years, three months. 

Just walking in to work every morning at seven fifteen, was beautiful. I strolled under the banana leaves of the chef’s garden where limes and mint grow abundantly. Past the blooming spider lilies, the wild ginger, the tiny purple orchids. Past the koi that swam beside me as I walked along their winding dark pool. And to my favorite place on property, under an archway of the building where the plumeria trees lean in, framed by the red awapuhi and where I can look up to see the palm trees reaching for the early morning sun and the monarchs drifting sleepily over the five story buildings into the courtyard. As I walked up to my office, occasionally a frond on the Traveler’s palm was down from the storm overnight and I'd wonder instinctively if my geckos were okay. The gold dust geckos are the perfect pets – they spend their lives in the tree and I got to see them every day -happy and wild, kissing the dew off the seams, perching in the breaks between palms. They’re not mine, of course, they never were, but I borrowed them, protected them from teenage boys and the carnivorous Carolina Annul lizards. I believe that we never really own a space, we borrow it, we care take it, we change it, improve it and if we are lucky, it improves us.

When I started here, I was just a dive instructor. Such a baby. I knew how to lead dives, how to teach people to scuba, but I didn’t know yet what it takes to make a four-year old excited to listen to a dive class. I didn’t know how to calm a hyperventilating fifty-five year old who has trauma issues with water in their past.  I laugh at how naively unequipped I was at first, how all I knew to say was, “You’re okay, you can do this.” 

I am grateful to my teachers – to Adam who taught me not to push. When the ocean says no, it doesn’t matter how attached you are to this dive happening, you have to listen and not go out. To Nick who taught me that when you take care of the gear, it takes care of you and taught me site mapping, and what customer service really looks like.  And most of all, I’m grateful to Brian who taught me the power of word choice in a class, taught me the importance of never doing things the same way because my divers’ abilities and ocean conditions are different on every single dive. He taught me a whole new level of thinking ahead, planning ahead and communicating just enough ahead so that I could be a successful guide. I’m grateful also for the ocean, the greatest teacher of all. That first year, I had no idea how to read the water – I couldn’t tell without going in and snorkeling the site before a dive what the visibility was, which way the current was running, how deep the surge was penetrating. Hundreds of snorkel trips to scout the site later, I can now stand in front of the sea and know right away what the dive will be like and what I need to do in these conditions to keep my divers safe.

I’m grateful I had years of experience, and thousands of children in the pool that I held hands with walking backwards with while they swam for the first time breathing thru a regulator, before I met Dorothy. Dorothy was six, a tiny pixie child who barely fit into my smallest fins and wetsuit. It doesn’t help that she came from a family of giants – all over six feet tall standing on the beach, hooked up to the lines of Snuba. She looked like their tiny pet bird rather than their youngest child.

Dorothy was in a life jacket so she could float, and I also put her on the raft for our entry into the water so she wouldn’t feel the waves, would feel more secure. And yet, as we got about 20 feet from shore, Dorothy began to cry. Not just a little, because when you are six you do things completely and with heart, she was flat-out balling. Her parents both tried to calm her down, her grandmother tried, her aunt mostly tried to get her to be quiet as everyone on the beach was now staring open mouthed. And then they let me try. I didn’t tell her to be quiet, instead, I asked what was wrong, told her she was so great at Snuba in the pool. Dorothy yelled at me that she was scared. And I told her that was normal, that lots of kids I took out here were scared too, but that they really loved it after they gave it a try because the fish were so cool. I asked if she had ever seen fish, and she hiccupped and shook her head and asked me to take her back to the beach. I told her I knew her whole family was out here because they wanted to show her these awesome fish - they knew she would love them. And I made her a compromise. I told her that if she would trust me, and come sit with me in the water – she wouldn’t even have to swim- I would hold her hands and we could find two fish. If she saw two fish out here and then told me she still wanted to go in, I would end the dive, swim her in, carry her up on the beach and sit her down on the sand where it was safe and not moving and not wet and she could stay on land if she wanted to. She took a shaky breath and considered this. Then she trusted me and slid off the boat into my arms.  I put up my knees so she could sit on my lap and together, we looked into the water. Immediately, there were surgeonfish around us and Dorothy surprised me, she didn’t put her face up for several breaths.  Then suddenly, her head shot up and she announced, “There’s three of them! And look, a yellow one!” That’s the last I heard from Dorothy for a while because her face was in the water swimming away from me, leading the group out to sea. Her grandma looked at me and shook her head slowly in disbelief and all I could do was smile. It was about this time, that I began to be okay to stand in the fact that I am really good at what I do. Others can do this same thing, but not in the same way, not making the connections that I do. 

I loved being a celebrity at the Westin. I’d come in and as I’d walk around the pool deck, children would yell out from their rooms above, “Hi Sara!” In the summer, I’d meet thirty new kids a day, introduce myself to all of them and then introduce them to this new thing called Snuba and show them what they were capable of. I’d work them through their apprehension, through how odd it is to not be able to breathe through your nose, and those kids knew I knew they could do it. They had me encouraging them all the way across the pool. Never underestimate how powerful it is for children to have someone other than their parents actively believe in them.

Photo Courtesy of Michael Lasmanis

                                                          

With the hugs, the letters and cards, the ones that would come to the pool just to talk to me while other kids took turns doing Snuba, I knew I was doing something right. My goal was to make a solid connection, and if you measure that in Crayola, I feel I achieved what I set out to do.

                                 

                                      

    

                                                               

My last week of Snuba at the Westin, I met Carla. She’s nearing 60, a cancer survivor. When they took out the bits of bone that were affected in her ankles, they took out the bits that would regenerate too – leaving her with permanent mini fractures and a very tentative step. She saw me walk a three-year-old across the pool as he breathed underwater and came up to ask me if that might be possible for her, and would she really have to wear fins? As I understood her situation more, I could see what she would need, how I would want to rearrange the way I put gear on this diver, how I could structure the dive to accommodate her. It wasn’t easy. In fact, it was a really hard dive on my body, but I got her out there and after she worked through her fear, I added her weights and we went down hand in hand. It was so freeing for Carla, after seeing all these things Hawaii had to offer that she could not do – to be weightless and flying underwater following the fish, actually achieving a dream. When we swam over a large sandy patch, I helped her come down - comical, because she was kicking the whole time. But in that moment, when her bare feet touched down in the powdery soft sand, the look in her eyes when I lifted up a handful and it hovered like glitter in the water around us, it was priceless. She was so happy, so amazed, so in love with life and the ocean and that moment. I backed away a few feet and took her photo, allowed her to play like a delighted little girl in the sand.

Carla came back the next day to hug me tight and to share with me that was one of the highlights of her life – the moment that stands out as the greatest experience she has ever had, and she thanked me because she understood it was possible because of me. She said, “I wouldn’t have been able to dive the way the others in our group did, but with you, I could actually do this!” She told me of her plans to enlarge the photo of herself standing barefoot on the bottom of the ocean and to add the caption, “When the water is over your head, just relax and enjoy the view.” I am so grateful that I could be that for her – to make it possible, to take her to a place she never thought she’d go. And boy do I feel it in my back today. The thing about carrying 65 pounds on your back while also hauling 250 pounds, dragging 80 pounds repeatedly up wet sand, is that you feel it the next day, or in my case, with my tiny frame - the entire week after. Snuba is the hardest physical work I have ever done. And I’m capable, I can do it, I’ve been doing it, at a great cost to my health.  Over the last two years I’ve been trying to remedy that without having to give up what I love to do. See, I don’t want to feel Snuba in 20 years.  And I’ve reached the point that no matter how rewarding this is, I find it more important to take good care of myself.

So, yesterday was my last Snuba dive. With a man named Scott, who loved to snorkel but thought he couldn’t go underwater. I was aware it was my last Snuba class as I was teaching him. After the class I asked if he had any questions. “No,” he said, “to be honest, it’s all a little scary.” 
And I got this big grin on my face and said, “I know, and that’s wonderful.”
He looked at me, shocked and I told him, “because that means you are going outside of your comfort zone, you are taking a risk. I’m telling you, it’s worth it, this has a huge reward if you can work beyond your fear. Fear is uncertainty telling you that you are doing something new, and it’s in those new experiences that the rewards in life are – you have to go beyond what you know to get this type of experience.” 

When I explained that to a little girl once, she overcame her fear and explored the sea, then marinated on what was possible for her, on the beauty that was laying right there the whole time, unseen beneath a surface she’d never been brave enough to put a toe in. And afterwards, she wrote me a letter telling me, “You really inspired me and taught me that you can do whatever your heart tells you.” For the last three years, I have been that voice – gently telling them, that if you want to try it, you can do it, and there is something incredible out there waiting for you when you do.  

Scott was blown away. He had to work through hyperventilating, but now I know so many more techniques and deeper explanations, I had more tools to give him than just, “it’s okay, you can do it.” In time, he was able to use mind over matter and calm down and enjoy. When we dropped beneath the surface, the whales were singing loudly. They were close. And over the song was a little chirp – the high pitch of a baby whale talking to it’s mother. I’ve done this once before, and it was so amazing that when the opportunity presented itself again, I had to try. I mimicked the baby and called out in my regulator in the same pitch. Immediately, it responded, copying me and adding two notes. We called back and forth over and over for about fifteen minutes. At points, I was laughing out loud because the baby whale sounded so ecstatic, almost like a dolphin. Once, it's voice sounded like high pitched laughter and I actually had to look around to see if someone was messing with me – for was it really possible that a baby whale could make sounds that complex, could laugh? But there was only Scott looking back at me, smiling in his mask – pointing out into the blue and cupping his ear, asking if I could hear the whales.

As you see, it’s hard to put into words. For example, when someone asks what I did today and I tell them, ‘oh, I had a conversation with a baby whale.’ It’s beyond what most people know. When they ask, ‘what have you been doing the past three years?’ What can I tell them? I’ve been lifting/hauling/carrying/swimming sure, but most of all I’ve been believing in people, becoming a better guide, more intimately connected with the ocean, encouraging kids and showing them what’s possible if they work through their fear. And now? Now I more forward, I leave this place that I have borrowed, protected, and tried to improve with my enthusiasm and kindness. I’m lucky because it has improved me too.

Just as the houses we grew up in are now filled with the lives of others, the Westin and its guests will go on as usual without me there. The Snuba office will fill with something else. The turtles will still be tucking under the yellow coral dome rather I’m there to see them or not. The geckos will be peering out of the tree and I will be going for what’s next – taking a risk, doing something new, going after what my heart knows is possible.  

Shark Water: Dispelling the Myths

Photo courtesy of Ocean Ramsey, One Ocean Diving

At first, they were just pale forms beneath the boat as we pulled up over a section of deep blue water off the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii. The sharks rose quickly, their forms growing larger until fins broke the surface, circling one another in a frenzy of excitement. I peered over the edge of the boat and counted seven sharks in the water, many larger than myself. They rose higher and as a couple began jumping, our guide, Ocean Ramsey told us to gear up. It was now time to get into the water. Naturally, I was nervous but excited as I donned my snorkel and fins. And oh, one more thing, I also just started my period.

By going into the water, I was dispelling two myths at the same time: 1) sharks are blood thirsty man eaters, and 2) it’s deadly for a woman to swim in the ocean on her period. But mainly, I was there because I wanted to understand these creatures the way our guide does. Ocean Ramsey has devoted her life to shark study, and is one of the leading marine biologists trying to protect them. You may have seen her in recent videos taking the internet by storm – she’s that tiny blonde girl who dives down next to the Great White and holds onto its pectoral fin, riding it for as long as she can hold her breath. The shark is aware of her presence but doesn’t seem to mind her touch in the slightest. Ocean herself is the epitome of grace, oozing a gentle confidence, at home in the water. On the ride out to the site, she and our other guide Sophie shared some alarming facts about shark population decline and explain the rules of our excursion very clearly.

Rule number 1: maintain eye contact. Prey tries to hide, looks away as it turns and flees. When you look eye to eye with a shark, you meet it predator to predator. Rule number 2: no thrashing, no wild swimming with your hands. Don’t give the sharks any reason to believe you are struggling, or nervous, or moving so fast it looks like small fish (fingers) around you are up for grabs. Rule number 3: don’t get below them. Sharks school in a hierarchy with the apex predators on top in the shallows and lesser, lower individuals on the totem pole down deeper.  

It took a while to relax. Climbing down the ladder, I was trying to control my thumping heart because I just learned that sharks can feel your heart beat, feel your electromagnetic energy and know when you are confident or afraid.  It wasn’t fear I felt, but adrenaline, holding on to the rope strung on the side of the boat looking down on more sharks than I could count at one time. It wasn’t eyes I saw when I looked at them below me, it was graceful sleek grey bodies. The sharks were curious. Even though we hadn’t baited them by throwing chum in the water, they stayed near our boat, circling in an unpredictable manner. A large female Galapagos Shark approached and swam by, just feet from me.  Obviously the apex predator, she had bite marks on her body and a tall sharp dorsal fin. This shark became my favorite, as I tried to see them as Ocean does, big beautiful powerful beings with names like “Unicorn” and “Waffles,” not the fictional man eaters starring in horror films. The media has spoon-fed humanity a misunderstanding of sharks and taught us to fear them. I meet so many people who are vacationing in Hawaii while scared to death of the ocean, not putting a toe in because a shark might attack them like it did in that recent movie.  Which is sad and silly, considering people are ten times more likely to get bit by a New Yorker than a shark. More people die annually from getting hit by lightning, from falling coconuts, from vending machines toppling over for goodness sakes! Cows are more dangerous! The truth is, there are on average ten deaths a year by sharks, and we are killing over one hundred million annually around the globe. So who is the real blood thirsty murderer here?  

Photo thanks to Ocean Ramsey, One Ocean Diving

As Unicorn circled back around, Ocean invited me away from the boat to swim with her. That was a relief, as it was getting exhausting trying to hold on, trying to maintain eye contact, to not get swept under the boat by the changing current, not get hit by the ladder as it bounced next to me in the churning surface. Ocean motioned me forward, pointed in the direction that was safe to dive, and I went down without hesitation. Underwater, it was instantly calm, quiet, and I was comfortable in my deep blue element (that is, with 17 schooling sharks). Being beneath the surface in their territory was amazing. The sharks didn’t change their path at all, they didn’t swim up to me, nor swim faster. As I dove, I looked up to the boat and when I looked back I was in shark traffic, making eye contact with a Sandbar shark. With a more pointed nose than the Galapagos, his stare was intense. His eyes cut straight through me and my heart stopped for a second. There was nothing evil nor menacing in his gaze, but it was without a doubt the most direct look I have received in my life. Realizing I was below the apex and lower in the school than I should be, I swam up ten feet and Ocean and I switched direction and swam up the water column back to the boat.

Photo Courtesy of Ocean Ramsey, One Ocean Diving

During the entire hour and a half we were in the water, the sharks paid no more attention to me on my period than anyone else. The myth about them being able to smell a drop of blood a mile away and heading over to eat you immediately is just that: a myth. They do have an incredible sense of smell, but our blood doesn’t smell appetizing to them as we are not on their menu. Seals, tuna, sure. Attacks happen when sharks confuse us in murky water for their food source, not because we have a scrape or are on our period.  Let’s put it this way: just because you can smell a rotting dumpster half a block away doesn’t mean you want to run over there to eat out of it. But when you smell bacon on the street, you are interested, looking around, wondering which house it is coming from. Tuna blood is the drop of blood a shark would follow to investigate. Human blood is not.  

They belong in the ocean more than we do, they are an intricate part of the ecosystem and we are wiping them out at a rate of three every second.  Primarily, this slaughter is in Asia for a prestigious Chinese delicacy that represents high stature – shark fin soup.  It is a tasteless bowl of luxury, and millions of sharks lose their life for it annually. But it’s not only in Asia, shark meat is also used in dogfood, and shark cartilage in supplements - both of which are on the shelf in your local grocery store.

The other main reason behind our widespread hunting is fear. I have met sharks face to face, and felt safe the entire time. But most of humanity meets computer generated shark images face to TV screen where they are portrayed in an evil light and feel afraid. Yes, they are bigger and stronger and faster (sorry Michael Phelps) than us, but they don’t want to eat us. They’re not interested in our blood at all. Sharks are not hunting us, it is the exact opposite. And if it continues at this rate, the delicate balance of the underwater ecosystem will be damaged beyond repair.  At top of the food chain, sharks keep the underwater homeostasis of the ocean. Without them, algae may overtake coral reefs, disease may wipe out hundreds of species of fish, including ones we rely on for food, and our fisheries would shut down.

Australia has implemented a cull, meaning that in attempts to make murky waters safer for surfers who look like seals in their wetsuits and thrash like they’re struggling when off the board, sharks are being caught in masses on drum lines and killed.  94% of those caught are Tiger sharks, which are nearing endangerment and have not been responsible for a fatal attack in the area since 1929. What if, instead of killing the sharks, we could kill our own fear? That’s why Ocean Ramsey’s work is so important. As Baba Dioum reminds us, "in the end we will conserve only what we love; we will love only what we understand; and we will understand only what we are taught." Education is a key piece to sharks’ and our oceans’ survival.

           WHAT YOU CAN DO:

• Try keeping an open mind and understand the reality behind our spoon-fed perception of sharks.  Don’t believe everything you see on TV. Understand that your fear is learned, and sometimes it is not based on facts at all. If you can learn it, you have the power to unlearn it.

• Be a conscious consumer. Don’t buy products made from sharks. The obvious one is the shark tooth necklace – if it isn’t a fossil, don’t buy it. Sharks are also often found in vitamins, supplements labeled as shark cartilage, squalamine lactate, AE-941 and U-995. Sharkskin is used in several countries including the United States for belts purses, shoes and labeled as shagreen. Sharks are often dogfood ingredients labeled as: spiny dogfish, rock salmon and thresher.

• Support organizations that are fighting to save marine wildlife. Sea Shephard, Wild Aid, Humane Society International, Shark Savers, Shark Research Institute, Shark Angels, Project AWARE, just to name a few.

• If you’re up for it, go see Ocean Ramsey and meet her friends the sharks face to face in a safe environment. See how beautiful they are and see for yourself and how different they are from the demons media portrays them as. (Meet Beast, and see not the monster but the heart) If you can’t get to Hawaii to do this, or your fear won’t let you, talk about it with others, recommend it. Live vicariously through them, and at least spread a more positive outlook. Get different information out there that is closer to the truth. www.oneoceandiving.com

• If you are seated at a restaurant with Shark Fin Soup on the menu, get up. Respectfully explain to the manager why you will not be dining there as you will not support any place that serves this dish, therefore promoting mindless slaughter.  Ask them to consider removing it from their menu and calmly walk out. It is only by hearing opposition and seeing dollars walk out the door that restaurants will withdraw their financial support of shark finning. You don’t have to be rude about it, but please understand that even by ordering something else on their menu, you are still supporting a business that contributes to the decline of a critically endangered species. In the two minutes this takes to do, 360 sharks are killed by humans.

• Ask your local restaurants where their fish and chips are sourced from. Keep in mind that shark meat is served under different names such as: spiny dogfish, rock fish, rock salmon, thresher, huss, rig or rock eel and flake. Shark species used in restaurants are being fished to the brink of extinction.  

• Educate yourself and others with facts. Read the articles produced by Shark Research Institute and other organizations that have studied sharks, not criminalized them for entertainment. Watch Ocean Ramsey’s TED Talk. Watch the videos of her swimming with Tiger sharks and Great Whites and coexisting in a peaceful manner. You Tube the man who cuts his wrist in a school of Great Whites and see how uninterested they are as he bleeds around them. Sharks are not mindless killers. It is not their intent to harm us. We are not on their menu, but they certainly are on ours.  We kill 11,4017 sharks per hour.

For a powerful visual graph of the comparison, click  here

Getting the Shot - the Delicate Business of Earning Trust

Earning a wild animal's trust is a remarkable gift.  Especially within predator and prey roles. On my dive site, an octopus's relationship with humans usually ends with a spear gun. They're so rare, I see one in every fifty dives for a good reason - they're tasty. Everything, including the average male, is out to eat them.

I quit eating octopuses years ago when I truly got serious about scuba diving. I cherished my interactions with these highly intelligent creatures, so I just couldn't be a part of their demise. I still eat seafood, just not the characters I've made a personal connection with.

I recently upgraded to a serious new camera with an involved underwater housing and this week took it diving for the very first time. I was so excited to get it in the water, and wasn't sure what I would shoot. I was hoping for a nudibranch (sea slug) that would hold still while I fidgeted with the settings and experimented. I mean, there's bound to be a huge learning curve with the new toy, right?
What I met was so much better.

She was about thirty feet from me when I spotted her, and I approached slowly. She did the same thing all octopuses do when they see a diver and tucked down, reducing her size to hide in a hole. Because they don't have bones in their body, octopus can really make themselves shrink.
Before she disappeared, I took this photo. This is what most of my octopus photos in the past (that I have felt really lucky to capture) have looked like. (Hint: She's that perfectly camouflaged reddish bit in the center.)

Usually, I leave, and when I get twenty feet or so away, the octopus will come halfway out to check and see if I'm gone. They're curious, they can't help but watch us go. But this particular morning, I decided to try something different. There was a sand patch nearby so I lay in it, careful to keep my fins up from touching the surrounding coral. And then, silly as it seems, I put it out there. I explained to the octopus that I had no intention of hurting her, or eating her or molesting her by pulling her out of her hole. I made my energy as small as possible and tried to tell her I was not a threat. I was in wonder of who she is, I wouldn't touch her or disturb her at all - I merely wanted to see her, to photograph her.

She peeked a black eye out of the hole's entrance and looked at me. I held very still, and yet, you just can't hide bubbles. But other than breathing, I was the epitome of peace.

In my experience, all octopus hide until you've gone, but this one got my message. She rose slowly, cautiously out of her safe haven and watched me watch her. After a few minutes, I chanced it and moved closer, taking photos.

The more she realized I wasn't a threat, the farther she came out of her hole until I could see all eight legs and watch her hearts beat, watch her breathe. She changed texture, but not color unless I moved another inch forward.

Soon we were about two feet from one another. I could see the individual chromatophors (color changing cells) on her skin. I was awestruck. Because, well, let me put it this way - on my official nametag as an employee of the Westin Hotel, under my name it states my passion as: cephalopods. I'm fascinated by them and here I was, having a staring contest with an older, more experienced, curious one.

They say octopus have a vivid memory and can recognize specific humans, even when those people change clothes.  I hope she remembers our agreement next time too.

The octopus allowed me to stay and hang out with her for half an hour. I felt blessed, ecstatic, grateful, and was the first one to leave. She obviously had important octo things to do, after all.

I find this same principle to be true while traveling. When there is a language barrier, it is the energy you exude that makes a connection, that tells someone if you are dangerous or safe.  Without speaking a word, you can be of peace, show your respect and make a new friend.

What Guiding Means

After working in close proximity and sharing office space with another dive company, I have been watching how others operate above and below the water. As a dive instructor, I have been struck by the huge variance in guides. And after shadowing my husband Tim today at his dive site, watching him lead dives and teach, I am inspired to write about it.

Google defines a guide as: “a person who advises or shows the way to others.” For many companies in our little section of land in the Pacific, a dive guide is someone who leads an underwater tour. As I have observed in the company working nearest to me, they go in at the same place, the same time, following the same routine: take a group in, swim with their back to the participants looking for some cool wildlife to show them, often handling said wildlife. Sometimes they do a dive briefing, sometimes they don’t. For some guides, the class is an opportunity for them to show you how much they know. So basically, a guide here on our island, with few rare exceptions, is a person who takes you in the ocean and points out cool stuff. There is nothing wrong with that kind of guide. Hundreds of people have had fun in the ocean with guides like that this year alone.

It’s just that what we do is entirely different.

Who we are at heart as well as our intensive training reflects in our guiding style. For Tim and I, a guide is someone who is with you from square one, addressing your concerns, tailoring the dive to your needs and abilities. A guide is someone who holds your hand if you are unsure, helps calm you down and gets you to breathe through the learning curve. A guide is someone who is watching so they can reach out and gently lift you before you skin your knee on corral. A guide is someone who teaches you not only the basics, but also in depth information about the physics behind what you are learning. They have studied what is harmful to the creatures of the sea and they don’t do that, they show you wildlife without harassing them, they inspire you to also protect what you love. But underwater, for us as guides, you are the number one priority. You may see great things while we are keeping you safe, but our attention is on you.

For us, a guide is someone who inspires, who believes you can do this, someone who encourages you and is proud of you for trying new things.  A guide is someone who monitors your air closely and increases your dive time by working with you to swim efficiently.  A dive with us is not just tagging along with a knowledgeable person, it is experiencing the ocean with someone who is there diving not for themselves, but diving for you. This is why it’s entirely different. How and where the group enters the water, how we weight you, the pace, the depth, all this is different every dive because we realize we are taking out individuals. 

For us, being a guide is a responsibility to our guests, but also to the ocean. We pick up trash when we see it, we stop people from touching turtles because we see the tumors that causes, we talk to people spraying on sunscreen that poisons the reef.

Sure, it’s a cool job and we get to work outside in a beautiful place, but for us, it’s more than that - we are caretakers of you and of the ocean.  I guess being a guide means a bit more to us than the average Scuba Steve - it’s about educating, encouraging, inspiring, watching over, assisting, believing in and yes, advising and enthusiastically showing the way to others.