Every year around
my birthday, I reflect on what I have learned during this year of being alive. And each year there seems to be more, as life is largely about learning and sharing for
me. This year was huge, so it has taken some extra time for retrospection.
You see,
this year, I built my own business from the ground up. That is no small feat.
The research alone is a full-time job. I wrote a business plan, I designed a
website. I signed contracts, I became a resaler for some products, and also designed my own. I wrote curriculum, standards, and designed class outlines for
new PADI classes. I met in a boardroom for negotiations with a hotel. I created
signage, and with an amazing friend’s help, created fliers and brochures. I
created a branding package. But here are the things that stand out about building
a new business, and the lessons that stuck with me this year:
This year I
learned that no matter how perfect that thing you want seems, if it doesn’t
work out, there’s a reason: there is a better possibility. It’s hard to see in
the moment, when your current dream falls apart in front of you leaving you
shocked and numb. I thought I had the perfect fit, and then they told me no. SO,
I went back to the drawing table and asked myself, do you still want this? Could
it be better received elsewhere, and will you give it the chance? The answer
was yes, so I contacted those who told me no and asked why. I asked for
feedback that would help me grow and learn and be more successful the next time
around. I took their feedback to heart and applied it right away. And the next
fit I tried for was SO MUCH better than what the first fit had to offer. Better
than I could have dreamed up! And I come away from all this knowing that I am much happier where I am at than I ever could have been with that original dream. Remember
with every disappointing wrong fit, there is a more perfect one waiting. Don’t
get so caught up in what didn’t work that you don’t see other possibilities.
I learned that
it is extremely hard for me to make cold calls. I’ve always known that about
myself, I’m a shy critter by nature. Seeking out a stranger in a position
higher than my own to ask for something I want from them…that’s truly scary to
me. As in cold sweats, fist clenching, stuttering words, literally shaking in my
shoes scary. But it can be done. Three deep breaths, and posture that says I-know-where
I-am-going and I’ve-got-this helps. When making cold calls, I have learned it
is best to come from a place of love. Treat the person you are meeting for the
first time as though they are a friend. Truly listen to them so you can talk with
them, not at them. Bring them coffee, and if at all possible, hug a
bunch of people before you go in, lighten up that nervous heart!
I’ve learned
that there are always people out there who have got your back. Even if you
haven’t seen them in over a year, friends are always rooting for you. I learned
that there are so many people on this island who are in my corner, there is no
way I should feel alone, ever. (As a side note for those of you who are reading
this, know that at any time you need encouragement or a hug, I am here for you,
even if it’s been a long time, please call me.)
I have been
reminded that it comes back to you. Glow at others, and they will glow at you
when your light is dim. The goodness we put out there is never wasted. For
loved ones, for strangers, for those in positions above and below us, showing kindness
is always of value.
Kindness
first. If you can make this a priority, it will change all of your interactions.
You are fully in charge of your reactions. Be mindful. Let kindness come up first.
Not frustration. Not anger. I'm not perfect, no one is, but I try. I was recently upgraded to the front of the plane
because kindness is a priority for me.
Be mindful
with your feedback. Often, we want to tell others what is not working. We make
their short comings about us, we take it personally and then our words to them
are anything but kind. Remember when you are putting statements out online that
they don’t go away. Words written in reaction-mode in reviews or comments on
social media tend to be a lot about me me me, and less mindful of how it makes
that person feel. I’ve seen a lot of scathing remarks made by people who don’t
fully understand a situation and they sadden those they are aimed at, and change
that person’s behavior, not for the better. If you try looking for what is working
and state this first, acknowledge what the person is doing right, point out the
best qualities first, then the person has a chance to take your feedback as well
rounded and view what they are doing/producing as a work in progress, not a
failure.
I’ve learned
that even if what you are putting out there is beautiful and pure, people will
still hate it, and they will hate you and there’s nothing you can do about it. So you'd better let that go. The more involved I get with social media for the business, the more reactions
and comments I receive. There will always be people who don’t get it, who don’t
get you. That’s absolutely okay. Keep doing what you are doing, keep shining
your light, keep swimming in your strange way if it works for you. And focus on
the people who really get you, who understand what you are trying to do,
collect these people, keep them close. You
can always tell the strong women, they are helping lift others up, not tearing
others down to make themselves look better.
I’ve been
reminded to choose my tone. With every singe sentence. With every reply. With
every reaction. The same words said in a loving tone are soft, and in a
frustrated tone are knives. Being mindful of your tone keeps your words more on track with your intentions. It prevents unnecessary arguments, and helps you
to be better understood. This is especially important around children. And
loved ones.
I’ve been
reminded that others will care more about being right then they care about
being close. Guys, repeatedly correcting others, or contradicting their
statements doesn’t make you closer to them. You may be really intimate with
Google, but you won’t have close relationships with your friends and family.
I’ve also had
the harsh reminder that how others take care of themselves or don’t, is not something
I can control. Naturally, when you love
someone, you want the best for them. You want them to be healthy. That’s nice.
But those things are not up to you. You cannot make them healthy. Unless that
someone is your toddler, you are not in control of their health. You can’t make
them see a doctor. You can’t make them live deeper, more fully, more effortlessly,
move easier, eat better, look better, sleep better, none of this. The big news
is that all of that is up to them. And some people would rather suffer, would
rather put up roadblocks, would rather stay in the uncomfortable place they are
in. That’s okay, it really is their choice. What can you do? You can love them.
You can accept them. That’s all. It’s hard to step back and watch, but let their health be theirs. Let your love for them be yours.
Stubbornness
distances you from others. I used to think stubbornness was a cute trait. I now
think open mindedness is much more sexy. And, coincidentally, 99 times out of a
hundred, open mindedness will bring you more happiness and closeness than being
stubborn. I know, shocker.
I’ve learned
that showing up is huge. If you want something, show up, work towards it. We’d
all like for the things we want to come to us, but often, you need to meet them
halfway. For example, some mornings the hotel calls to tell me they don’t have
any bookings for me. I could take the day off, but I’d rather teach classes, so
I go in. I set up. I talk to people. And usually, those are the days where I have
the most students in my classes. Because I showed up.
I’ve learned
that being a mermaid is a lot like being the tooth fairy. Kids are drawn to
you. You are magical and glittery and much less intimidating than Santa Claus.
Yup, my mermaid tail is a kid magnet, and I love that. I’m a physical
manifestation of their dreams, I am their dreams come true. So I try to hold
the magic for them, help them believe. Logic will take you from A to B, but
imagination will take you everywhere.
I have been
reminded that there are truly good, generous people everywhere. When you reach
out, when you open up and share, when you shine your light, others will recognize
it and share back. Be who you are and share the magic of that with others. You
never know who you will inspire.
Even when
you don’t know how, keep moving towards what you want. Worry less about the ‘hows’,
for they can drain your dream of its momentum. Instead, focus on the next step.
You don’t need to know how it will work, just believe deeply that it will,
that is enough. Just keep swimming.
Be clear
about what you want. Put it out there. Write it down, speak it out loud. Otherwise,
you are just waiting for whatever shows up. Tim and I set intentions all the time. Before
our last journey, we put it out there that we wanted to see wildlife, have
amazing interactions with them. We saw a flock of wild turkeys, a herd of elk,
made eye contact with a coyote, had a bear walk thru the backyard, and fed a
whitetail deer who approached us. Bat rays swam up to our toes in the bay. We
spotted grey whales and harbor seals in the Pacific. We woke up to mule deer in
our yard, paused for snakes to cross our path, and played peek a boo with a peregrine
falcon, great white egret and a blue heron in the city. A hummingbird perched
next to us for twenty minutes to watch the mountains light up with the sunrise in
the forest. We laughed as spotted fawns played tag jumping the creek next to
our trail, and then slept in the shade of our window awning. What was it we had
asked for again? Oh yes, wildlife. You get my point.
As a scuba
teacher, I learned this year that not everyone who enrolls in an Open Water certification
class is meant to dive, or will become a diver. Just taking the test and going
thru the paperwork doesn’t tell you if you’ll like the sensation of breathing
underwater. And like all of my students before them, I found a way to support
these people, to accept it and help them feel good about their accomplishments. Even if they didn’t set out to do what they originally
planned, they still tried new things, faced fears and learned valuable things about themselves.
I have
learned that it is possible for you to train your eyes to see better underwater
without a mask. And that over time, this may improve, if you can stay relaxed,
and keep at it.
I knew that
manta rays had the ability to feel your heartbeat, your resonance, your electro
magnetic energy. This year, I learned just how in-tune and sensitive they are.
I’ve learned that when I take out guests who are in a positive place, and are
just sweet hearts overall, the mantas stay around longer than when I take out
guys who are having a bad day, or are distracted or tend to push their way vs.
feel their way thru life. I know that sounds strange, but the empaths reading
this will understand. I’ve seen a manta respond immediately to a small change
in heart.
Through the
hurricane, when there was a chance of being evacuated and we thought about packing
a bag, I learned that I can always make more money to buy more things and go on
more journeys, but I cannot buy more time with people I love once they are
gone. This year, I learned that the people I love are the things I would pack
to take with me.
So there you
have it, friends, a short overview of what I have learned this year of being
alive. Thanks for reading. I hope some of you find something that resonates
here for you. If I could leave you with anything new to try or to consider, it would
be Kindness First. Out of all the possible reactions and possible approaches to
others, try choosing kindness. Let it begin with you.
Best wishes
for the year ahead, S
