A Mermaid in the Flow

I’ve been fascinated by mermaids since I was a little girl. I think it's the romanticism, the mystique, the siren song, the graceful beauty of the female form combined with the sea that appeals to me: woman and nature as one. It’s funny, the things that capture our imagination. Many little girls have a love affair with horses, and for a few girls in my life, they’ve taken that love into adulthood and are trainers, breeders, and competitive professionals with their horses. Somehow, it seems a rather rare thing that the ideas we love as children still fascinate us as adults. Remember what you wanted to be when you grew up vs. who you became today? The versions of ourselves reshape and grow and new fascinations are introduced. In high school, when the assignment was to paint a self portrait as a famous painting, I painted my face on a J.W. Waterhouse mermaid. Half my life later, mermaids are still around: on the bottom of my paddle board, as stickers on all of my water bottles, as Halloween costumes, as doodles on the electric bill while I’m on hold with the power company...

But this year, I’ve taken things farther. I started my own mermaid t-shirt company, which makes little girl sizes as well as grown girl sizes, obviously. I’m also wearing my own art as a mermaid tattoo on my back - she’s got her head and arms back - heart up and open, and is coupled with the word ’Embrace.’

All this reminds me of the Rumi quote, “May the beauty of what you love be in all that you do.” As a dive instructor, I breathe underwater every day. Just this month, however, I’ve become so comfortable in the water that I don’t have to think about breathing or moving, or staying above the coral, it just happens naturally and I truly feel I’m in my own element. I’m at home in the water, and I’ve got a three foot long cascade of reddish hair. Hmmm, perhaps I really have grown into my childhood fascination: a human mermaid.

My husband Tim saw this resemblance and gifted me a turquoise mermaid tail for Christmas. It’s like a tight sock around my legs with a monofin in the base. Impossible to walk in, difficult to tread water in, but capable of being faster and more efficient than I’ve ever been in the water. It took a lot of practice to learn to swim in a mermaid tail. I did research, watched videos, and discovered the most efficient swim stroke for a monofin is called ‘dolphin’ and works by using your body in a wave motion.

In the pool, my dolphin stroke was herky jerky at first. I would think about it too much, plan starting the wave, try to make my body dip and move in a flowing motion. This was anything but flowing in the beginning. I was more in my head than my body - trying to analyze, to control. Which, I realized is pretty funny considering Tim and I aspire to be true to our business name - Living In The Flow. Nothing about that is in your head, choreographed, planned, controlled. So I laughed at myself and tried a different approach. I held on to the side of the pool, closed my eyes and cleared my mind of everything, becoming a blank slate, and open page. Then I took three deep breaths and swam without thinking about swimming. My body inherently knew what to do and how to move and in a few fluid dolphin strokes I was quickly to the other side of the pool, astounded at what my body was capable of! When I didn’t try to control the stroke, when I just let go and trusted my own body’s intuition, I was efficient, fast and in the flow. How different my life would be if I applied this concept to everything! If I just let go of judgment, of attachment to how things should go or look, let go of trying to push for things to happen, or controlling the way in which what I want comes to me. If I could let go of my ego and be a blank slate, an open mind and just trust and move forward, would things be more fluid and easy like dolphin stroke when I get out of my head, out of my own way?  

Next, I took this to the open ocean. The turtles reacted differently to me in the tail than they did when I was in two fins. This was amusing, awe inspiring and fantastic for taking pictures of them. They let me hang out next to them respectfully, as they curiously eyed me up and down. I was suddenly a fish, part of their world.

The greatest challenge of being in the ocean and deeper water was being able to tread water to keep my head above the surface. Without a wetsuit layer, I’m not as buoyant, and things like removing and replacing my mask while still breathing were nearly impossible with my head bobbing under. Despite that, I felt I was ready for more, for another big step.

Those who know me well know that I’m much more into having experiences rather than things. And this year for my birthday, I wanted to swim with the wild dolphins again, this time as a mermaid.

We traveled to the Big Island, where we met up with one of the most expert boat captains I’ve ever met (and that’s saying something, I work as a dive professional, I’ve rolled off a lot of boats in my day) - Erika is a young woman rocking a traditionally male occupation. She runs tours with Dolphin Discoveries, an educated, ocean minded group that teaches people to swim with dolphins in the most respectful manner possible.

We found the pod of Hawaiian spinner dolphins in one of their favorite bays, doing laps with the swimmers who are practicing for the Iron Man tournament. After a thorough briefing, Erika announced that “the pool was open” and Tim and I dove in to the ocean. Well, he dove in. My legs were bound so I sorta hopped off the boat. I cleared my mind, let go of control and swam towards the pod. Soon, several families of dolphins surrounded us. Pregnant females, silly babies, males with scars from deep sea encounters. They didn’t react the way the turtles had, and noticed me more for my playful behavior and singing in my snorkel rather than resembling a fish. This went against my expectation, but Erika knew exactly why this was. Dolphins use sonar like whales, she explained. Basically, they see your body, your bones, your heart beating. (Talk about a superpower!) They could easily tell the girl playing with them had two legs bound together and was not indeed half fish. But it was still a joyous, incredible interaction. I could tell when they were curious because as they passed me they would just stop swimming. All momentum would pause and they’d wait to see what I would do next. One young dolphin turned upside down and swam in line with his family - like a child walking down the sidewalk between his parents on his hands instead of his feet. The water was full of whistles and clicks as they conversed around us.

After months of practice, I could clear my mind and just be in the present moment, not thinking about swimming or breathing or equalizing or treading water. I had no other thoughts except for what I was seeing and experiencing at that very moment. I was unaware of time, of anything but the now and I had fully let go. I was in the flow, and the most comfortable I’ve ever been in the ocean. And fast! My husband, the water man, who has always been able to out-swim me, had trouble keeping up to take photos. I am so grateful that he did, as only images can share with you how incredible the experience was that day. And the little girl in me can’t stop looking at the woman playing big, having an incredible experience she designed herself, living on a level she’s now comfortable with, in her element, as a mermaid. The child in me is delighted by this image - seeing the woman she’s grown into as a physical embodiment of her fascination: a mermaid in the flow.