A huge lesson for me this life revolves around time management. Recently in an interview, I was asked how I balance work, life, play, etc. so well. My answer was, it has not always been so.
I used to have trouble saying no. Whenever someone asked me to do something, I would commit my time. Whenever someone asked to meet and make a date, I would commit my time. Whenever someone needed an extra shift covered at work, even on a holiday or a day I had plans, I would say yes and commit my time. Soon, time for myself became a rare and easily interruptible thing. I was always on the verge of being overwhelmed. Always rushing, fitting in so many things that I was late for one meeting and leaving in a hurry to get to the next. This was not a very present approach, as you can imagine, and my plate was so full I forgot what color it originally was. A few months of such behavior and I would find myself drained, sick, with no energy for myself. Slowly over time I became aware of my behavior and set in motion a plan to change it.
First, I sat down and listed what spaces in my life were important to me, that needed my time. Things like: work, sleep, friendships, my relationship with my partner, outdoor play, projects, yoga, and time spent nourishing myself. The last one was added on a whim, and one which I was not used to committing to. Nourishing myself? The concept was foreign to me at the time. I had to create a second list of things I could do for myself. It was odd at first, for a girl used to only doing things for others. Once I had my list created, I took a piece of paper and drew boxes on it. Each box was an allotment of time. If I spent all my time and energy at work, that box would nearly take up the entire page, allowing no space for other boxes like yoga and friendships. I had a habit of taking on several jobs, because I have many talents and the ability to do different things. One year, while doing my taxes, I had four different W2s to add together. Counting un-taxable jobs, I would really have 6 that danced around one another. Some I did on my “days off” from other jobs. I decided to commit to one job, and ask for the hours of work I needed to fund a fun life. In this way, I created two days a week that were sacred, just for me, for things in my Nourish Myself category. When work was contained in a predictable, scheduled box, I had room for other boxes on the page. I had to then be aware of how much energy I truly had, and notice if I was giving too much to one box, or neglecting another.
The second big step to time management was that I started saying no. It was painful at first, for a girl who always says yes. I felt like I was disappointing others, when really I was making a choice to value myself and my time. Saying no allowed me to plan things. I could have a schedule that was uninterrupted by unexpected commitments.
I started to make myself a priority. I carefully considered new opportunities before saying yes. Even if they were opportunities for fun things, play things, new hobbies, etc. I would first ask myself, am I taking on too much? How much time will this new thing ask of me? Does this feed me or drain me? Would doing this be important a year from now?
In yoga this week, I was thinking about time management and how far I have come from that hurried, tired, busybody girl I used to be. I spend a lot more time being now, rather than doing. I have time to just be. After all, we are human beings, not human doings. Yoga provides an excellent metaphor for life. Balance always includes movement. If you stand on one leg, you naturally rock a bit side to side to stay in the pose. If I wobble, it does not mean that I am not balancing, it means I am working to be there. Balance is moving to maintain stability. Changing our approach, changing the way we structure our time, changing our priorities to create a stable healthy life. If I tighten all my muscles as I stand on one leg, I will fall over. If I am too loose and have no muscle tone, I will fall over. Balance takes a particular amount of engagement and planning, and a certain amount of gentle release as well. I find in life, I balance best if I am not tightly wound, tightly attached to outcome, trying to pack too many things in at once, or pushing for something against the flow. Even with time management, I wobble. Occasionally I utilize old habits of saying yes without considering first. The difference is that I notice now, and I know what balance feels like, and I know how to get back there. I have practiced being aware of my needs and meeting them. They say the best teachers are those who have fallen down the most, and continue to get back up. Its all in the beauty of learning.
