Lately I have been thinking about the concept of embracing. I find it incredible how much one person can change during a lifetime. Things that once terrified us, we can actually grow to embrace fully and in that action, we open up and expand. For example: when I was nine, my brother David stepped into the muddy water of a lake. With one giant step, he disappeared over a drop off hidden in murky water. I was so afraid of the water that I couldn’t dive in to save him. I stared at him floundering, his head disappearing repeatedly and although my mind wanted to reach out to him, I was paralyzed by my fear of the water and my body wouldn’t budge. My father had to run around the circumference of the lake and dive in to lift him up. David was fine, but I the idea of me taking childhood swim lessons died that day. It was much later, in my adult life that I sought out swim lessons and became competent at moving within a body of water of which the bottom I could not see. Which seems so odd, even to me, as anyone who knows me well will point out how much I love the water. And I would gladly tick the box entitled ‘Water baby’…whilst having a craft to glide over it from. Kayak, paddleboard, surfboard, jet ski, wakeboarding, skipping stone, etc, I love it. And yet, while these are all water sports, they are not fully embracing. They are still clinging to something of the land that carries you over, allows you to get wet with your fears intact, but not truly indulge in the act of being enveloped. It is different to just dive in. No lifejacket, no mask, just yourself and the liquid flow of life: allowing it to move you, or releasing yourself to move with it.
My last summer before leaving Bend, Oregon to live abroad, I became closer than I ever had with the Deschutes: a river that had long been more home to me than any person, any house, any landmark within the city. The Deschutes is a lady of secrets - she rarely reveals her depth - keeping her secrets hidden, touched only by sparkles of pumice stone swirling up from her dark ducts. How often I had only gone in knee-deep. How often I had rolled the kayak and righted it again. Or sat on my board and let my feet dangle in the refreshing calm. Engaging with the river, but on my own terms, not fully embracing. In little steps, I opened to her and would weekly dive and dip - first gasping at the chill and then relaxing enough to let the river absorb me and move me downstream.
Maybe this is one of the wonderful things about growing older. Lately I choose to interact so much more fully with life. To fully commit myself to the adventure of living - to design it how I want it to be. To dive in head first. In the past, I have toyed with dreams - allowing myself to wade in for bits of time, but not have the full thing. I have traveled more and more, stayed abroad for weeks and yet this year I actually lived abroad. Visiting a place vs. living there is just as different as wading from swimming. Ah, full immersion.
When I was a little girl I knew I wanted to live by the sea. I told myself I would settle for living within walking distance from a body of water, and even a stream or lake would do. I have rented houses by the sea in the past, again toying with my dreams, letting myself taste them for little time. And I realized yesterday while walking up the street from the sea of which I work to the house in which I live - wow! I am living that little girl’s dream. By getting beyond my fears holding me back from what I wanted, by opening up and embracing life - by going with the flow I have ended up exactly where I wanted to be, living a grand adventure of my design.
Tim and I started a business here in Maui and to be successful in this, I have to be so comfortable with the ocean that I can make others feel comfortable in it too. My job is to introduce people, often children, to what there is to love about the sea. You can’t really do that from a knee-deep perspective. As we were deciding upon a business name, we came up with Living In The Flow, LLC., and we are doing just that, dry for only 10 percent of every day. For a girl who loves water, it really is living the dream.
What fears are holding you back from fully having the things you love? Trust me - doing the work to move beyond the fear is so worth it. You've got this one life, embrace it, make it count, enjoy it!
“Embrace life, and all the many paths it takes. Embrace life, and those paths will lead where you truly want to go.” — Ralph Marston
