What I Learned This Year of Being Alive

This is a little ditty about what I have learned this year of being alive: Lessons, skills, and spiritual growth. Look at it as a list - a random collection - rather than an article with a coherent storyline. And, of course, take it with a sprinkle of salt - because this is true for me may not necessarily mean it is true for you. My goal here is only to share: maybe you'll get something out of it, maybe you won't.

 

This has been a year of adventure. Most of the lessons I learned in the last 12 months took place in a foreign country thousands of miles from home...and yet at home within myself.


This was a year of new languages. I learned some Islandic, Hungarian, French, German, Italian, Greek and Cambodian but mostly Nepali. I found that my favorite phrases across all these have to do with making a connection - I learned to say things like "I agree with you" or "I understand" or "I am part of this." And so, I was shown that learning languages for me is about making a connection.


I learned that some of the best adventures come after other plans fall through. The less attached I am, the more free I am to enjoy something different, something better. For example, if my tour through Tibet hadn't been cancelled, I never would have discovered Parahawking!

I learned that things happen best when they are ready. Pushing for something to happen doesn't always create the best possible outcome. This is a lesson in Flow: In Kauai, we had a Mango tree behind the house and every morning I would go out to see what had dropped overnight. Sometimes it was one mango on the ground, sometimes it was seven. Although the mangoes were reachable on the tree, I preferred to pick them up after the tree had released them, finding those were more ripe, more ready to be eaten than those I could pull down from the tree. We can push for things in our lives, but it often works out smoother when we are really ready. I am becoming more and more familiar of what it feels like to be in the flow in life.


I have learned how to sail, and have reveled in the freedom of waking up somewhere off a coast and randomly selecting the next island to journey towards that day. Without a pre-set itinerary, no controlled, laid-out plan, just an intention for fun - absolutely free to explore. (Efcharisto, Dave.)

I learned that I do not like Islandic Goats' Head Jelly but I love Hungarian Pogatcha biscuits and Turo Rudi cheese candy bars. How do you know you don't like it until you try it, right? (Köszönöm, Tunde.)


In yoga, as I hold a pose for several minutes, there gets to be a point where I shake or fidget or get so overwhelmed with the stretch or sensation that I want to get up, get out, bolt, run. It is usually just after that point that the pose really begins and I can bend deeper or the stretch gets yummy. The same is true in life: When it gets uncomfortable, that's the awesome point - because its about to get really good in terms of internal growth. If it is a very uncomfortable situation, I am about to learn something.
(Thanks, Dolly!)
　

I have learned there is a difference between obligation and love. In my family culture, I was taught that these two are inseparable. For example, in my family there is the unspoken idea of, "If you loved me - you would..." and this creates an obligation. When I do not do what I have been obligated to, I find myself filled with doubt and guilt. Guilt in this form is an attempt to meet others' needs. What a beautiful reminder to meet my own needs first. This year, I have honored myself in not putting myself in unhealthy situations with people, no matter how much I love them. And by meeting my own needs first in this way, I have been more mentally stable and healthy. To let go of the guilt, I remind myself that my needs are just as important as others' needs and I have to choose myself/my needs/ my health first. Believe me, this was not an easy lesson to learn, and it is a big one.
An interesting thing about family culture is that it is a learned pattern of behaviour. Once we are aware that it exists, we can choose to participate. Or, instead we can say, "This ends with me" and create a new pattern. None of it is right or wrong, it is simply what we choose for ourselves.


I have made a new habit: when something I set up goes wrong, instead of getting down on myself, I remember all the things I have done right and then let it go.


I learned that visualisation is the key to changing impossible to possible. If I can see it, I can do it.


In Nepal, Jessica Love taught me how to land a paraglider. This is counter-intuitive - you land into the wind. (Thanks, Jessica!)

I have been a caregiver in my past. And still, when I am close to a friend who is going through a tough situation, my first instinct is to try to fix it for them - I offer advice and work with them to design a plan to remedy things. But this year I have learned that a mature heart can care about someone and step back to see what they have to learn here and watch how they set up a situation to do so. If you fix something for someone, you take away their free will to choose, and if you do the work for them you take away their opportunity to learn. (Thanks, H for helping me learn this one. :)


The things you cherish most should go in your carry on bag and not be checked. Especially when traveling into Cambodia. (Laughing out loud!) And, even these are replaceable. When it comes to physical - It all is.


I have learned how to pitch an article to a paying publication in a format that gets accepted.


This year, I had a series of lessons about letting go of control. I spent a lot of my RTW trip looking for an address, a train station, friends I was supposed to meet, or a hostel. I learned how to have fun even when I am lost - to be joyful even when I am not totally sure/set/in control. A journey doesn't always have a map.

One of the hardest things I have run up against this year is when I do my best and others do not see that. I have learned how to take a deep breath and trust that I have done the best I could and to let it go. It is most important that I know I have done my best because I am the one who has to live with that, not others.


I learned how to make Phillipino Curry. A spicy seafood dish with coconut milk that sometimes turns purple with squid ink. :)  (Salamat, Melanie!)


I learned how to talk so a dolphin will respond.


Quickbooks.


That Lake Balaton, Hungary has the greatest fish soup in the world! (Köszönöm, Zoli!)

How to be an efficient purchasing agent.


How, as a wholesale manager, when a client makes a request, they really don't want to hear the details of what you have to do, where you have to go or what you have to rearrange to make that thing happen for them They just want you to say yes. So, say yes, and worry about the details later. (Gracias, Stewart!)


That sturgeon can grow to five feet long! That's a big fish!


That you really can get anything through TSA if you have enough intention. 10 ounces of frosting? No problem.


That the holiday Easter was originally Ishtar, a celebration of the returning of the light (Spring Equinox). And that long before Jesus was even born or heard of, a woman named Ishtar (Lady of the Light) had a pet bunny, and that is where the Easter Bunny figure comes from.


I have been reminded that everyone has a story to tell. And something to teach me.

I learned that children don't need you to give them huge presents, or to teach them something complex, or to build them something. Sometimes the greatest gift of all is to show up and be constant enough for them to trust. (Dhanyabad didi, Poonam.)

I learned what a whale song sounds like underwater: As though someone is whistling in the distance.


That you really can design a life, a day, to be exactly what you want if you ask. This birthday was exactly that.


That friends don't have to speak your language. Language is just one thing you may have in common. Sometimes the deepest connections transcend language.

That although we think that others get how we feel about them - we should actually tell them. I love you, I want you in my life more, you inspire me, I appreciate all you do --None of these are guaranteed to be evident unless you voice it. There is no better time than now to let them know.
(Thanks, Dad.)


How to eat rice and curry and dal with my fingers: Nepali style. The Nepaleese believe that you have a better connection with your food and live healthier this way.


I learned that even train accidents do not have to be dramatic. Even if you were on the train, you can choose to take on the drama, or to let it belong to the others who were actually physically involved.  And on that same day - I was reminded that the Universe is looking out for me.
(Thanks, Universe!)


One of the most important things in life is to trust yourself. To trust nature, trust others. Whatever happens, you are going to be okay, you are safe. Coming to a situation with trust can determine the course of its outcome. And I learned just how valuable this concept is when crawling on your belly through a tight cave in the pitch blackness, oh, say, 200 feet underground.

I learned that raptors can see you blink when they are far enough away that you can't see them.
(Thanks, Bob.)

That eating more salt can help raise low blood sugar.


The neatest creature I met this year was a cross between a hummingbird and a butterfly - a hummingbee. I didn't know they even existed until we met face to face. This encounter reminded me of how in 2007, off the ocast of the Galapagos, I saw a manta ray jump several feet into the air and then fall back into the sea like a giant, black heavy kite. Up until that point in my life, I had not clue Manta Rays even existed and yet there it was before me. My point here is that the world can always astound you. If you allow it space, there is always something new to learn. Even when you have studied and traveled and experienced so much, there is always the possibility that something spectacularly new will surprise you.

I have been reminded that those we love, we take with us. No matter the distance between you, when you have known someone in your heart, part of them is always there. It seems daily now that I think of my friends Tunde and Zoli in Hungary, of my guides through the caves of Budapest or over the Islandic moonscape of lava and moss, of sweet Caroline and her lovely family in St. Gallen, of Kristin in the yoga ashram in the mountains of Nepal, and of my much adored 8 year old Poonam in the orphanage of Kathmandu. They are here with me, their story intertwines with my story and my love for them expands me.
(For this I am grateful to so many, especially O.)

I have learned that if I feel moved to do something, I should do it. Do not wait until tomorrow to show someone kindness, they may not be there tomorrow. For example, Billie, the orphanage kitten I sought out food for, and took time to share kindness and peace with may not have lived to see another day. But in that moment, when he was safe in my lap and his belly was not knawing with hunger and he could relax enough to sleep, that moment made a difference. Its like throwing starfish back into the sea - sure, you may not be able to save them all, and perhpas it is not about being able to save them. Its about being moved to do something for others and actually following through. They may die tomorrow. We all die sometime. But if you were able to improve even just one moment for the better for them then yes, it was worth it.


I have learned the coorelation between thermals and living in the flow. Thermals are not something you can map out. Just like going with the flow doesn't always involve having a plan. It is more about feel. When flying a paraglider, you have to wait until you can feel the wind of the thermal on your fingers before you turn in that direction to rise higher. In paragliding, the goal is to fly, not to go somewhere. (Danka, Bernie.)

In Paris, I learned that a place is not what you have heard, what you have been told or even what you remember. If you are open enough, a place can surprise you for the better.


If at first you do not understand, ask, ask again. For example: If the bus driver says something, mumbled in a thick accent, and you don't catch what he said, walk up right then and ask him to repeat it. Ask several times if needed. To understand or to not understand can change the entire course of your journey... And the driver may be less pissed at you if hours later you have missed your stop...

　

When your address changes every two days, home becomes something inside that travels with you. The rooms change, the beds change, the cities change, but who I am is solid and familiar. In this way, I can feel at home wherever I am. The better you know yourself, the more you can be your own familiar when nothing else is.

 

And last but not by any means the least important...



Your time  is your life. Be aware of how you are spending it.