Life Lessons 2012

Every year, around this time, I reflect on the year gone by and look at what I have learned. It has been a wonderful year with many valuable lessons, some large, some small. Again, my disclaimer is the same as it is every year: These things I list here are true for me. They may not be true for you. My intention is only to share.

I have learned that:

There is a difference between knowing something because you read it on Wikipedia, and knowledge gained from experience. What if there was no Wikipedia, no encyclopedia and all that we learned was first hand? We would know nothing of wars on the other side of the world, conflicts in other cities between people who speak other languages, or random facts about reptiles in the Amazon. We would know more about the places we have been to, more about the things that affect the people we know and love. It would be like the world without the drama of the media and the news. Interesting.

I have learned that I can have more fun in the present if I am not attached to an outcome. Like going fishing with a 5 year old: you can sit in the dirt and eat lunch first and you are not fishing but you are enjoying strawberries and paying attention to when you have reached a full point. You may skip rocks across the surface above the fish, and you are not fishing, you are playing. You may be untangling a huge chaos of fishing line for the better part of an hour, but you are not fishing, you are solving a puzzle. You may be chasing butterflies around the pond and you are not fishing, but you are having fun. If I was attached to only going fishing and catching fish, my focus would have been distracted during the other activities and I would have missed the special little person I shared the day with, the play, the fun, the ripe strawberries along the way.

I have learned how to make Risotto, (Italian sticky rice) the slow and attentive way with constant stirring for 45 minutes. You can not multitask in the kitchen when making risotto. You cannot talk on the phone when making risotto. You cannot leave the kitchen when making risotto. And this, I find, is a great change in how I cook. Being in one place and focusing on one thing, mmm, delicious. Yes, risotto helps me be in the present moment. I am hereby re-naming it Present Moment Rice.

I have learned the importance of saying “best possible” instead of “could have been worse.”  When things were going wrong in the past, I used to cheer myself up by saying, “Well, things could always be worse.” Now I cringe when I hear someone say that because I know that the biggest part that sticks out of that sentence is the term “worse,” and all the Universe hears is “worse,” and all you are drawing to yourself is “worse than this.”  When you say, “well, if that was going to happen, this seems to have been the best possible outcome” you are putting out an entire different frequency.

I have learned that Rufus Hummingbirds are territorial. They will not share their feeder with anyone else. Even when they are full and don’t want any, they will sit close by the feeding spot and chase off other birds or hummingfriends who would like to share the sweetness. I have dated guys like that. Anyhow, the way to solve this is to have two feeders and hang them on opposite sides of the house. Rufus cannot attack those he cannot see, and other birds can get a sip in while he is feeding on the other side.


I have learned that I am allergic to Wheat, Milk and Potatoes. Knowing this and adjusting my diet has made by body much happier.

I have learned what my energy feels like without any additives. I have learned that coffee gives me adrenaline energy. That’s fun at work, but when I get home, I am drained, having given too much, worked too hard, been over the top with my energy projection. What I am trying to say is that 32 ounces of caffeine in the morning makes me crazy uppity at first, but sleepy and lethargic by 3pm.  I do much better on 12 ounces of coffee a day.

I have learned to be careful with my energy. To know how much I have, to be realistic about what I can do in one day. I used to be a multi-tasker to a fault. It is okay to do less. It is okay to say NO to some things so I can show up 100 percent to other things. This is energy management.

I have also learned a lot about time management. Last year I worked three part-time jobs. My hours off from Job 1 were filled with Job 2, occasionally followed by Job 3. This led to 14 hour workdays, less than one day off per week and a consistently drained Sara. Much of this had to do with my relationship with money, I felt I needed to work every day of the week to have enough. This year I tried something different. I picked only one job and asked for full time with continguous days off. The income of this one job was the same as all three jobs combined and I actually had time to do the things I loved to do.
Part of time management was making myself a priority. I carefully considered new opportunities before saying yes. Even if they were opportunities for fun things, play things, new hobbies, etc. I would first ask myself, am I taking on too much? How much time will this new thing ask of me? Does this feed me or drain me? Would doing this be important a year from now?

I have learned that balance always involves movement.  Balance takes a particular amount of engagement and planning, and a certain amount of gentle release as well. I find in life, I balance best if I am not tightly wound, tightly attached to outcome, trying to pack too many things in at once, or pushing for something against the flow.

I have learned that a yoga practice needs to have focus on alignment for me to not feel like I have pulled a muscle afterwards. In knowing this, I have switched yoga studios from Hatha to Anusara Yoga and it is back to being a healthy practice without pain.

I have learned that change in temperature creates wind. And I have felt this phenomena first hand in a tiny aircraft 1,000 feet above the earth.

I have learned that the little plant Plantain with its wide oval shapped leaves and sinuous veins is an extractant. If you have a bee sting or a sliver you cannot remove, creating a poltice from crushed Plantain leaves will help purge the foreign article. I will also soothe the sting.

I have learned how to write query letters to magazines. A query letter is a short letter telling the editor of a magazine or website about a great topic they need to feature and why I am just the author they want to write it.

I have learned that the red oblong tropical Mountain Apples taste a lot like pears and they make a great snack after surfing.

I have learned that salted caramel bars make the best S’mores.

I have learned that there is a simple magic in knowing that you are cared about.

I have had the beautiful reminder to never assume. I never really know what people have gone through, or what they are dealing with. It is not that the nit-picky ones, the grumpy ones are simply mean hearted.  We are all human, dealing with the complexities and death and birth and change that life sends our way. Difficulty, loss, struggle, these are all situations that cause us to naturally stress, tighten up, retreat within and become short with others. The opportunities to change my thinking and assume less are everywhere if I am open to them.  The closed fist cannot shake hands, cannot receive. The closed mind cannot perceive another‘s humanness. The closed heart cannot receive love.



I have learned that two people can be in the same place, but be having completely different experiences. We are all choosing the nature of our experience. I do not have to allow the experience other people are having dictate my own. I can refrain from picking up the expectations of others, or their fears. I don’t have to agree and adopt how they say it will be, and I can differentiate that is how it will be for them and allow them their own experience.

I have been reminded that all we ever have is here and now. People are living and dying every day. We never know how long we have the people who are so special to us in our world.
I am reminded that most people don’t know how you feel about them until you tell them. I understand that some choose to not say I love you over and over because they fear it will get worn out and mean less. I disagree. Remind people that you love them because they might not be here tomorrow. You may not be here tomorrow. Share time and love and appreciation now while you have got it.


I have been to Kauai 7 times, but just this year I learned that there is a pod of dolphins off the coast. They are spinner dolphins and its exhilarating to see them from a stand up paddle board.

I have learned that its best to communicate to your surfing or paddling buddy that you are done and heading in before you paddle in and get out of the water alone.

I have figured out why Americans want to move to Costa Rica. Will I be one of them, possibly…we shall just have to see.

I have learned how to take care of my own needs. After a few years of practice, I have become quite efficient at this, which is remarkable. However, this year I learned that the extreme of this trait can step on someone else’s wants. In order to have balance, I need to allow others the same space to communicate their needs as I take to communicate my own.

Last year I learned how to so latte art with hearts and leaves. This year, I have taken it to a whole new level. Using espresso, milk and chocolate, I have made faces, elephants, mountains, lizards, butterflies, monkeys, giraffes, an octopus, a hummingbird, a unicorn, mermaids and kayakers on the tops of coffee drinks to add a little love and creativity into my customers’ day.


Have you ever been in a tropical place and noticed that there is rice in the salt shakers? This is to help prevent the salt from sticking together in a block when exposed to the moisture of humidity. This year I learned that when you drop your camera in the river while fishing with a 5 year old, if you put the camera in a bag of rice and leave it alone for 24 hours, it dries out and works just fine!

I have come to the realization that others will show up how they show up and I cannot control that. At first, I had a difficult time with people who do not behave like I do at the workplace. People who only do the bare minimum. That is of course, their choice, but it affects my day by creating more work for me to do. I went through a period of being upset with these people. But then, I understood that is how they show up, and I reached the point where I could just have a good laugh about it and move forward. I found that if I got to work ten minutes early, I could finish their job and then begin my own. I think this is rather similar to parenting. Remember when you used to resent your parents for doing things to you as a kid? And when upset and frustrated, you would vow to yourself, “I am never going to put my kids through that.” The only control you had over the situation was to not do the same thing as a parent yourself.
I find it is similar here. I can do everything expected of me in the workplace. I can sweep and mop, not leave broken pint glasses in the drains, remake chocolate when I use the last of it and help stock things for the next person because that is the only control I have - I get to control how I show up, (not how they show up) and how much I give to the job.

I have caught myself being polite and nice and saying things like, “I am sorry, I can’t do that.” I found that I used to say I am sorry, even when I was not, just to be polite. Doing this is like a tiny white lie. It is being inauthentic. Striving to be authentic, I have learned to be honest about what I can do and what I cannot do but only apologize when I am truly sorry. The same goes for when someone says or does something that hurts me, I don’t step over my feelings and say “Oh that’s okay.” Instead, I tell them how I feel so we can heal it before moving forward.  And I do not excuse actions that hurt me just so the other person will not be in an awkward place.

Along the same lines, I have learned that when someone says something that I am hurt by, I often take it the wrong way and make up a story about what they might mean by their comment and I take it personally. In the past, I would just leave. A couple of relationships of mine have ended because of something the other person said that I took in this manner. Then I learned to ask, “Is this what you mean by that comment, because this is how I took it…” And this year, I learned another tool around this.
If I say, “In my head, I am making up a story that you meant….” Then they have a chance to change the story and correct me. Wording things this way makes it even less accusatory and allows the conversation to remain on a level playing field instead of defensive and offensive. Nine times out of ten, that person did not mean what I thought they meant. Often it is a miscommunication and I get the opportunity to let go of my story and replace it with their true intention. I find it incredible that miscommunications used to end my relationships and now that I have more skills and tools these are just things that happen that we both move forward from in a loving way.

In a yoga retreat this year, I learned how to meditate. How to still my mind and sit without thinking.

I have learned that if you want others to support your cause, you need to support theirs also. Generosity often inspires others to give also.
   
There really is no sense in waiting to do the things you was to do. You don’t have to be the best, the fastest, the strongest or the most flexible. You just have to show up and be authentic. When you are connected to who you really are, you have a greater chance of connecting with others.


If we wait to be better than we are now, opportunities for things we want will continue to pass us by. When we are convincing ourselves we need a different set of circumstances in order to have what we want, we are not fully accepting who we are in this moment. The truth is, you are always capable of having what you want.


And now, after all this reflection about what I have learned, I ask myself, where would my energy be best spent in the coming year? Well, physically, that will be out in the world, beyond the borders of the United States - exploring 16 or more different countries and returning to some favorite hangouts. My energy would be best spent being awake, engaged, connecting with other cultures and ecosystems and of course, playing BIG on this journey.

I would like to devote energy to being a luxuriously paid travel writer.

I would like to work on securing the eternity of the present moment. Somehow I see being present, being awake in this moment as something so important that I have continued to remind myself of it year after year. This summer, I met a monk in orange robes under a banyan tree. I asked him how to secure the eternity of the present moment. He said it involves looking at what you are concerned about. Worried about the future, or dwelling on the past. Make peace with these things so you do not have to carry them into the present moment. If you are worried about something that might happen, come back to a mantra, for example: “All Is Well Right Now.” Use the mantra as often as needed, gently pulling yourself in to the present. And practice, practice, practice.
Perhaps securing the eternity of the present moment is part of what made this monk a guru. But what do I want out of it? A deeper experience, a more focused, whole and energetically available self in this moment.  A more vibrant life, and a calm mind. Mindfulness, wholeness, peace.